when everything hurts

When a partner is unfaithful pain is left behind. That pain is part of betrayal trauma. In my work with porn and sex addicts, they often report feeling relieved when they finally tell their partner everything but this leaves the partner with the pain of the betrayal and the fear that it will happen again. In betrayal trauma, the smallest of things could trigger a major reaction leading to waves of pain and fear for the betrayed partner. Some of these triggers can be avoided and some cannot. The best thing a betrayed partner can do in this situation is find safety and get help. Safety usually comes from physical or emotional distance from the addict or the trigger itself. Through therapy, betrayed partners can gain freedom from the triggers and decrease their pain. Many of the partners I talk to resent the idea of getting help or counseling themselves. I often hear, "I didn't do this, why should I do the work?" However, this is like being stabbed and refusing to go to the hospital. If you find yourself in pain, please reach out for help.