Communication

In general, there are four types of communication. On one extreme there is passive communication. Passive people may sit quietly and even nod when they disagree with what is being said. Passive communicators generally do not get their needs met. The opposite extreme is aggressive communication, which may include swearing, aggressive body language (getting in someone's face) and could escalate to physical violence. Aggressive communicators are use to getting what they want through bullying others. Sometimes it is possible for someone to both passive and aggressive at the same time. This is called passive-aggressive. The communicators may agree with you to your face but gossip about you later. Passive-aggressive communication is the most difficult form of communication to deal with. Finally, in between passive and aggressive on the spectrum of communication there is assertive. Assertive people manage to get their own needs met while respecting the boundaries and autonomy of others. Assertiveness is the only recommended form of communication but it can be hard to get quite right when you first start practicing. The first tip for assertiveness is to use "I statements". These statements make communication less accusatory and can be more easily heard by others. The second tip is to focus on your feelings because feelings can never wrong. Unlike facts, they cannot be argued with. They exist in your experience and expressing them can help take weight of your shoulders but also help others understand you and your perspective. The best question to ask yourself about your communication style is whether or not it is effective. Most people resort to name calling, swearing and aggressive gesturing in order to be heard, but it actually has the opposite effect. People stop listening when they feel threatened. Most communication is actually body language, which makes your overall demeanor very important. Tone of voice is also important. The actual words you use represent less than 10% of overall communication. This is why it is so easy to miscommunicate in texts and emails. The number one way to make sure you are heard by others is to listen to them.

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